


Remember When

by CoriMariee, ufp13



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-12
Updated: 2009-01-12
Packaged: 2018-02-16 14:49:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2273826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoriMariee/pseuds/CoriMariee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ufp13/pseuds/ufp13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Memories in loneliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember When

**Author's Note:**

> Written for DeltaS.

~*~

_Remember when we vowed the vows_   
_and walked the walk_   
_Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard_   
_We lived and learned, life threw curves_   
_There was joy, there was hurt_   
_Remember when_

~*~

 

Kathryn had no idea that being home, wrapped in a warm blanket across from a roaring fire, could feel as empty and interminable as a trek across the Delta quadrant. Of course, this loneliness was different. It had a foreseeable end, and a satisfying reason for its existence. But somehow, that made the pain of it even sharper.

He’d been gone for two weeks, and would be out another four months before she would even get a single communiqué from him. They’d sent him into the Beta Quadrant as a special federation liaison in charge of civilian defence. She had been given the orders first, but for some reason, she hadn’t been able to convince herself to fly among the stars any longer. So he had volunteered to go in her place, one last mission before they retired from Starfleet and set about exploring the galaxy the way the trek through the Delta Quadrant had denied them.

And so she let him go, understanding his choice, but coming to know the dread, sadness and anger that she supposed her family had always felt when she’d taken a new mission. The worry they’d described had become her friend as well.

Both she and Chakotay had known this wasn’t an easy mission. Starfleet was sending him to oversee the defence training of civilians. Several worlds in the Beta Quadrant were having to start up military organizations to protect their planets from the effect of the Alpha Quadrant’s war with the Dominion. Pirates had come out of the woodwork in that region of space, sensing that the Alpha Quadrant was busy dealing with the repercussions of their own war, and wouldn’t bother with the affairs of others. Now it was Chakotay’s job to clean up the mess that the Federation had made, once more, teaching people to fight for their homelands, for their families and for themselves.

For not the first time since she’d been home, Kathryn cursed the Federation aloud, for their inability to think beyond what they knew and for demanding so much of herself and her husband. Hadn’t they given enough? Hadn’t they worked themselves to the bone? What more could they sacrifice? And how many more precious moments could be stolen from them?

Kathryn shook her head as if to clear the maudlin thoughts, and tried to paste a smile on her face. Today was her birthday, and if Chakotay was there, he would have wanted her to be happy. Her birthdays had always been special for him, even more so than they’d ever been for her. And as she thought back to last year, the smile he would have wanted her to wear graced her face, albeit briefly.

Chakotay had taken her down by the creek near the edge of this property and they’d had a picnic, eating until they were so full they thought they’d burst. Then they lay in the early summer sun until he’d noticed her starting to burn and had to convince her they’d be better off taking refuge under the large oak that shadowed the water.

It had been a glorious afternoon that had ended with an evening in bed and the experience had only deepened both her love and her passion for him.

Perhaps that’s what made this birthday even more of a bitter pill to swallow than just simply the injustice of the orders. She would spend this birthday alone, something she hadn’t done in a long time, and something she’d hoped never to do again. The loneliness seemed to choke her, and she had the urge to gag on the isolation. The afternoon had been bad enough, but it was turning to night now, and the thought of spending sleepless hours alone in her bed made her curse the insomnia that only seemed to visit her now when he was away.

Getting up from the rocking chair, she made her way inside, walking quickly to escape the slight chill in the air that accompanied the setting of the sun. Once inside, she went to the replicator in the kitchen, ordering herself a cup of black coffee and debating how to spend the evening. For not the first time since Chakotay had been away, Kathryn wished that they had a dog. It was on the list of things they were going to do when he got home, but he had put it off for over a decade now. She reasoned that the animal could have kept her company now if he’d only listened to her and found herself becoming irritated at him. She relished the feeling. Perhaps if she could convince herself to be mad at him, even for a night, she’d get more sleep and miss him less.

Wracking her brain, she tried to remember all the little things that he did that drove her crazy: sleeping in on Sunday when she wanted to wake up early and take a walk with him; cleaning up the PADDs she left on her desk when he knew she worked best in semi-chaos; forcing her to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, even if it meant stopping by the office in the middle of the day to hand her something. She stopped and pondered the last one, and slowly, the angry mood she’d been successful in building slipped away. He was always looking after her, making sure she was cared for and encouraging her to take time out to enjoy life, their friends, nature, and being with him. She tried to do the same for him, but still felt that she fell far short of the bar he set in his consideration of her. As she approached their bed, tired of walking aimlessly around the house, she promised the universe that when he was home, she would give him all the care, time and pleasure he’d been so unreservedly bestowing upon her. Sliding beneath the cool sheets, she lay there, waiting out the night.

Slowly, her eyes fell shut, and the sheets transformed into his warm hands that trailed up her legs.

_They were his favourite part of her next to her fiery spirit, her greying hair, the curves of her hips, the swell of her breasts – coming to think of it, he loved the whole package, had for decades and planned to do so for some more to come. Each birthday was another mark for him on the path they walked together. He cherished every one – another year together, a promise for another one to come. The specialty of the day always reflected in his lovemaking. Neither of them was a selfish lover and over the years they had found a balance of giving and taking, both anxious to see to the other’s pleasure, but, on her birthday, he refused to grant her the upper hand even once. Her body was the altar he worshiped. Although she should have known better by now, she tried to trick him into submitting to her every year, only to fail again and again. This year was no exception, he noticed as she tried to wrap her legs around him and pull him down onto her, most likely only to roll them over, thereby gaining the dominant position. With a smile on his lips and a soft shake of his head, he disentangled himself from her embrace, spreading her legs. Leaning down, he parted her labia with his tongue and suckled the sensitive skin. She moaned lightly, wriggling closer to his mouth, but he wouldn’t have it. Having placed a light kiss onto her mons, he shifted his attention elsewhere. Kathryn groaned a frustrated sigh at which he couldn’t help but chuckle. He knew how much she hated being teased – especially in this way; although she never complained afterwards._

_Gently, he massaged a foot, rubbing her sole with his thumb in a rotary motion. While he concentrated on paying the loving attention it deserved to every part of her body, her other foot sneaked up and tugged at his briefs, the only piece of clothing he was wearing to prevent her surprise attacks from being successful all too fast. He caught it and turned around to give it the same loving treatment its twin had received. Said twin thought it might be fun to try to see if it would have more luck with pulling down Chakotay’s briefs, though. Groaning, he reached for the foot and tickled it. Kathryn playfully pretended to squirm under his touch, trying to get away from him._

_“Will you behave?” he asked teasingly, knowing the answer well._

_“Never, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.” She grinned._

_True. Ever since he had first met her, she had been trouble. The thought of a well-behaved, quiet or even shy Kathryn Janeway was an unsettling one, but, fortunately, as likely as Tuvok starting tap-dancing on the bridge in the middle of his shift. He loved his little troublemaker as she was; she wasn’t perfect, but who was? She was perfect for him, and that was all what mattered. She had her flaws; flaws he wasn’t oblivious to. At first, he had thought of them as cute, later he had started to hate them, until he finally learned to accept them, ignore them, work around them. If he wanted to wake up with this feisty redhead nestled up against him, he had to take her faults as well. People were an all or nothing deal – you couldn’t just choose the part of a person you liked and give the rest back. And all things considered, there was nothing he really wanted to complain about._

_“You know me too well.” He smiled down at her._

_“As well as you know me.” Her hand stroked his head._

_He leaned into her touch for a moment before moving his focus downward to her calves. She tried to tighten her hold on him, to pull him up, but he loosened her grip and, planting a soft kiss on each palm, laid them down onto the mattress on either side of her. His eyes searched hers to ask for the favour of cooperation, of submission. When her lids broke the optical connection, he knew his request had been granted – at least for the time being. There was no way to tell if and when she might change her mind._

_With gentle fingers, he kneaded her calves, working his way upward until he reached the knees. He lightened his touch till it was only a whisper and traced the hollow of her knee. As expected, Kathryn flinched immediately. This was one of the temptations he was never able to resist ever since he had discovered her Achilles’ heel, her one really ticklish spot. Although he knew that this action wouldn’t help him staying on her good, cooperative side, he just had to tease her for he loved seeing the great Kathryn Janeway squirm – no matter the reason as long as it happened beneath his hands. To his utter surprise, she didn’t jump or threaten him once he stopped tickling her. She simply spread her legs a bit further as to tell him that she expected an apology for what he had just done. For a moment, he contemplated ignoring the hint but thought better of it._

_His hands glided over her thighs toward the apex of her legs. With his thumbs, he parted her labia, opening her to his gaze and mouth. He leaned down and ran the tip of his tongue along her slit. Slowly at first, he licked her, occasionally dipping into her wetness, scratching her clitoris with his teeth, steadily arousing her more and more. With time though, his flicks became more frequent. Loudly moaning her approval of his action, Kathryn writhed under his ministrations. Without any premonition, he pushed two fingers into her wetness and sucked her clitoris hard. The sudden sensuous overload sent her over the edge into the sea of joyful oblivion, accompanied by vocal, albeit unintelligible expressions of pleasure. Chakotay tried to prolong the experience and continued to stroke her, slowly ceasing his ministrations. Limp under his hands, Kathryn sighed in enjoyment and satisfaction._

_As he tried to follow the invitation of the gentle tug of her hand to come face to face with her, Chakotay winced at the sudden jolt of pain in his back – much to his wife’s amusement._

_“Your own fault,” she snickered but helped him up, kissing him lovingly while gently massaging the spot on his back she knew bothered him regularly._

_“Thank you,” he spoke gently against her lips._

_“No. Thank you, love,” she whispered back. “However…” She rubbed her pelvis suggestively against his, causing him to groan. “Want me to return the favour?” Wrapping her legs around his hips, she was about to reverse their positions when he growled at her playfully angry and frustrated and used his bodyweight to pin her to the mattress._

_“Oh no, darling. Tonight, there’s no escaping me.” His voice was low and dangerous, his look predatory yet loving._

_“You’ll only settle for unconditional surrender, won’t you?” she asked, unable to decide whether to be resigned or hopeful._

_“You got it.” The statement had barely left his mouth when his lips sealed hers in an all-consuming kiss._

_Breathless when they parted lips, she panted, “Okay, get up.”_

_“What?” He looked at her bewildered._

_“Get up, strip and then I’m all yours for the night.”_

_“What makes you think you’re in any position to make demands?”_

_“The fact that I’m the one who can make you sleep on the couch.” One of her eyebrows was arched challengingly._

_He smiled, defeated, for it was true. He would never force himself upon her. If she wanted him to leave right now he would go and sleep in the living room, he would, no matter how uncomfortable the cushions were, not without trying to convince her otherwise, though. Making love never happened without the other’s consent. He wanted her consent, therefore, she was in the position to make demands._

_Sighing dramatically, he got up. “You’re a hard woman to please, Kathryn Janeway.”_

_“Nope, I’m easy, and you very well know that.”_

_A loving smile formed on his lips as he shook his head slightly. There was no denying it, her body was responsive to his touch, always had been to his very delight. Kathryn Janeway in the throws of passion was a sight to behold. Many a night he had spent playing with her, making her tremble in lust and come again and again, all the while watching her closely, burning her expressions to his memory to sustain him during the times they had spent apart due to missions. The reverse wasn’t much different. When it came to her, he had almost no control over his body, especially when they were alone. Like they were now._

_“Slowly.” Her husky voice sent pleasant chills through him. She had rolled onto her side and was eyeing him with such fiery desire that he wondered why he hadn’t burst into flames, yet. Although he wanted nothing but to rip his briefs off and jump her bones, he did as she had asked, pushing the material slowly off his hips. She blew him a kiss and turned back onto her back, arms stretched out above her head, legs spread. An invitation par excellence if there ever was one, making his erection twitch in anticipation of being buried inside this delicate form. Crawling back onto the bed, he was about to lie down next to her, but she beckoned him between her legs. With his resistance having worn thin, he followed her call and slid home._

_His hard length inside her wet softness, it never mattered if they were on some more or less known planet in the system, on a star ship or in their own house. Each other was all they needed to feel at home, the connection carrying them through whatever life and Starfleet threw at them. They had always tried to keep all the sorrow and anger outside the bedroom, and seldom had they failed._

_Savouring the feeling of oneness, they remained motionless for some moments before exchanging long, lazy kisses. As nice as the orgasmic high was, it wasn’t the ultimate goal which had to be reached without many detours anymore. Over the years, the focus of the act had switched from the physical to the emotional. They craved the connection, the closeness more than the release itself, although it was a very welcome bonus._

_Gently, they began rocking against each other, the pace only slowly increasing. Until the climatic end neared, they moved in silence, communicating with their eyes and kisses. When Chakotay felt himself losing it, he sought out her clitoris. Even though he knew she wouldn’t mind if she didn‘t come a second time tonight, he did mind. This was for her after all. Moments after he had begun to spill himself into her, she followed him over the edge with a load moan._

_Giving themselves some time to calm down, they cuddled together, silent except for the panting._

_“I love you,” she murmured against his chest._

_“I love you, too, and happy birthday, my love.”_

_His hand drew lazy circles on her back, soothing her to sleep, however waking her instantly when it brushed over the side of her breast._

_“Chakotay, don’t you think that…”_ Sleepy, she looked into his eyes. “Chakotay!” Suddenly very awake, she threw her arms around the man sitting next to her on the bed. “When? Why? What? How? I mean shouldn’t you not be here?”

He kissed her affectionately. “Shhh, I’ll explain over breakfast, but for now, why don’t you tell me what you were dreaming when I arrived.”

She smiled at him. “Not dreaming, remembering.”

“What did you remember that had you smiling like that?”

“Last year.”

Her smile was mirrored on his face. “How about we remember together?” He teased a nipple through her nightclothes.

“I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

 

= End =


End file.
